The halfway point

It's the halfway mark for my little adventure in Europe. Scratch that, it's a pretty big adventure. The other three girls all packed up, deregistered from the city, took care of all those things to do with life and living in Germany, and planning to go back to school, and I just watched. In fact pretty much all of my friends have either gone back to school or home for the summer. I’m actually staying in one place for 8 months, doing the same thing, for 8 months, and it’s crazy.

It’s been a reaaallyy long time since I spent more than 4 months in the same spot. I moved out as soon as I graduated highschool, spent the summer at a friend’s house working in a restaurant and have been bouncing around Ontario/The World every 4 months since. So for once, I'm not bouncing anywhere, I'm staying here. And it's weird.

So I’m halfway through. How do I feel about everything? Weird and Wonderful. It’s weird to see everybody going back to school but me. But it’s wonderful to be staying in Europe. When I think back to four months before I moved to Germany, only 8 months ago, and I look at my life and think about what I was expecting my life to evolve into in the short term, in the next 4 months, this wasn’t it. I think of where I was, what I was doing, who I was with, and what my expectations were, and nothing that’s happening now was anywhere close to being in the forecast.

It’s weird how things can become normal to you, that in fact are completely NOT normal. You know what’s become normal for me? Everything that seemed so foreign and unbelievable 8 months ago. A normal week for me goes like this: I spend the last few days planning and packing. I spend the weekend, and sometimes a couple more days flying to another country, walking around outside all day seeing the sights, experiencing the culture, and then I spend the first few days of my week recovering, doing laundry, catching up on sleep…

That is SO not normal. The only other people I know of who fly to a new country every weekend are the other students I’m living and working with here. But it’s normal for me. I just had a weekend off, and I stayed at home doing things that would be normal for me if I were anywhere else, and it was weird. Sleeping in was weird, making my own lunch was weird, watching a movie was weird. The whole weekend just felt like a brief pause, it felt like I was waiting for it to be over, waiting for my ‘normal’ life to resume.

I never imagined for a second that my life would be like what it is now. When Pet first got the IBM Germany job I was sooo excited for her, and I imagined how cool it would be if I had the same opportunity. But it was one of those daydreams that you know the whole time will never ever happen, it’s just fun to think about. Then I saw the job posting come up a couple months later and I thought, ok, I’ll apply. But I didn’t have any of the skills, and knew I wouldn’t get it. Then I got the interview and I was blown away. My next thoughts were, wow, this is awesome. But I knew it was only because I had a friend in the position currently who pointed out my resume, and that I still didn’t have the skills, and I’d never get the position. Then I got the offer. Only in my wildest dreams did I anticipate this… It was a big decision to make. I’d have to switch streams, leave the country for 8 months, leave my boyfriend, my friends, may family, who are very very important to me, and I wouldn’t be making any money after living and travel expenses. Out front, I considered it, I thought about it, I weighed my options. Inside, there was never a doubt in my mind about whether I’d go.

I’ve yet to regret my decision. While at first I really only wanted to come for 4 months, now, at the midpoint and the would-be end of my experience I realize that I’m not at all ready to leave. Four months is not long enough, there’s still so much to see, so much to do….i’m not yet satisfied.

Will I be at the end, in another four months? Here’s what I anticipate. I’m going to be incredibly sad to leave Germany, and incredibly happy to return to Canada. Experiences like these teach you a lot about yourself and about the things that are important to you, and one of the happy realizations I’ve had about myself is that I’m always looking forward. I’m looking forward to the next four months, I’m looking forward to tomorrow. While I’ll be sad to leave Europe and everything related to it behind, I’m looking forward to going back home, to hugging my family at the airport, to spending a week at home by the lake, to returning to waterloo and to donning, to learning more in school, to laughing with my friends, to everything I’m expecting my life to be like, from here until as far as I can imagine it.

But by now I’ve realized that you can only plan your life so far ahead and the unexpected takes over anyways. Keeps things interesting I think. And it also doesn’t make me feel so bad, so guilty, so agitated/nervous/antsy/worried about not knowing exactly where I want my life to go after I graduate. Ten years down the road I have no idea where I’ll be, but I feel confident that it’ll be a happy place, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.